coyotes_kitchen

or, "WHY didn't I just learn how to cook?"

I am a master of the microwave; I have have forgotten more than many ever knew about toaster ovens,
and have made a meal for three out of a loaf of wheat bread, a can of soup and a six pack of Bud.

Most recently I found myself the proud owner of a new Crock Pot.
Not bragging, just sayin' the facts...

Tim thinks he can cook, and he can. But MY way takes it to a whole new level.
I feel an overwhelming obligation to share my vast wisdom and knowledge in the field of culinary and other cooking and fine eating arts, and so on.

We'll skip the basics. For example, I am sure that you already know that when you buy a hunk of garlic, you need to carefully disassemble it and skin it,
and not just toss it in the crock pot- whole. Boy, was I embarrassed when that happened.

Here's a simple yet unbelievably convoluted recipe for beef stew.
It addresses a substantial percentage of the essential food groups; fat, starch, sugar, sodium, alcohol and preservatives.

If you can swill a few brews while it's cooking, I think we'd have all the food groups involved.

Ingredients:
2-3 lb chuck roast
box of chicken stock
box of mush rooms
celery sticks
little baby carrots
onion (skinned - apparently)
1/4 cup flour
kosher salt & pepper
can of disected (diced for short) tomatoes
hunk of garlic (one of the little pieces inside the hunk is what you really want; more on that later)
2 potatos (with all face parts, i.e., eyes, noses, glasses etc removed)

1. Start with a fairly clean crock pot, if possible.

2. Cut the meat up into choke-sized chunks.(http://www.ehow.com/how_14949_heimlich-maneuver.html)
Mix up the flour salt and pepper together and dump it on the meat, then roll it around.

3. Put this all in the bottom of the crock pot.

4. Take the onion, and carefully cut it into as many small parts as you can. If you think you may be at risk of cutting yourself, then the pieces are too small- so STOP.

5. Same with the celeries and potatoes.

6. If I forgot anything, chop it up too, and dump all this on top of the meat, which should still be in there.

7. Open up the chicken stock and dump in a cup and a half of it.

8. Since the crock pot is full now, set aside the can of disected tomatoes. (Maybe someday you will have a bigger crock pot.)

9. Push the lid down firmly to compress the overflow and make sure nothing gets out while cooking. A pair of C-clamps will sometimes help.

10. Turn crock pot on LOW, and go to work. When you come home, one of two things should have happened: